FIRST BLOG POST EVER!

Soo here i am writing my first blog post ever and I'm stumped on what to write about....

I've never had a blog before but I have always wanted to do one so here goes.

My first blog post is going to be about knowing ME...i know it sounds dumb and may be a bit boring but hey I'm new to this so dont expect perfection... 

 I'm 22 yes but i have the mind and life experiences that some 45 year olds have never been through.Where to start? well for the most part im a pretty humble person, im smart, im well spoken, and all my life all i have ever wanted to do was fit in with my peers. i am a people attract-er im like a fucking magnet when it comes to  people for some reason they just flock to me. i have no problem with this but when it causes me strife i have to express it.

 I spend most days crying myself to sleep because i dont know wtf to do with myself on the outside looking in i look like quite a content individual but really i am filled with alot of things anger, sadness, joy, shock, excitement, confusion...and the list continues. so yesterday i re-read a book that i once enjoyed (Yesterday i Cried-Iyanla Vanzant) and i finished it in a day re-read the same lessons, and i actually took something form it today. i learned that i am an internally damaged individual and i self-sabotage all the time...why do i do this well when you grow up with no rules or stability then these things are bound to happen. i love my grandma god knows i do but she is my biggest enabler; i could do now wrong in her eyes EVER hence why i am such a deviant person. Living this way for the past 22 years has got me into my share of problems jail, relationship, drama in general. my dad well lets just say he is like my older brother and my mom is my older sister because their parenting skills were never the greatest due to the fact that they were young when they became parents. so im left to be raised by the neighborhood savages who have built me up and torn me apart only to attempt to rebuild me in the worst way possible until i have had no choice but to take matters in my own hands (never a good idea) especially since i have no idea where to start rebuilding...do i start with my realtionship troubles or do i start with my insecurities.... I dont know where im going to start but one of these good days it will hit me in the face like a ton of bricks.

  Life is what you make it and as a human i am bound to make mistakes but why when i make them does everyone around me make it seem like its the end of the world i am not perfect but shit i try...

With Love,

from a Golden Child....